social tips for Rednecks

[randyman]

Subject: social tips
General
1. Never take a beer to an interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you're included in the will, it's rude to drive a U-haul to the funeral.

Dining Out
1. When de-canting the wine from the box, make sure you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to 'bruise' the fruit of the wine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your hands.

Entertaining in your home
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepare by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.

Personal Hygiene
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this job should be done in private using one's own truck keys.
2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of money.
3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.
4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to distract from a woman's jewelry, and alter the taste of finger foods.

Dating (outside the family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be assertive, Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you ever since I read that stuff on the bathroom walls two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

Theater Etiquette
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to the characters on the screen. Tests have proven that they can't hear you.

Weddings
1. Livestock, usually is a good choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds might get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say 'yes' to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

Driving Etiquette
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires does not always have the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer too.
5. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral possession

[Martha]

Dear Mr. Randyman,

Are you having a lovely day? That's a "good thing, isn't it?

What isn't a good thing is when you don't attribute source material. See June 22nd, 2004 entry.

I may be headed for the "big house" but my lawyers are out there just looking for someone to sink their teeth into.

They're such nice gentleman.

Will you be visiting me in Danbury this fall? Connecticut is so lovely when the leaves are turning....

Unjustly persecuted ( much like Nelson Mandela & Joan of Arc ) but still bursting with optomism, yours,

Martha Stewart

[randyman]

Hmmm I did'nt post between 6/15 and 6/24. My computor was down with a 6 iron induced injury.
I never have been good with riddles but I do like them.
I'll need another clue
Danbury is lovely in the fall. If you send your jet you can count me in!!!

[randyman]

Did you mean today at 6:22am? If so your confusing days with hours. So if you can't keep that straight theres no sense in me giving up my source because you will probably be confused with numbers and letters. LOL LOL LOL  

Just kidding, it was just crap you find on the net.
Believe none of what you hear or read and only half of what you see.