Impending Breakup.

[RedRodeo]

I've only been dating this person for about 8 weeks. But recently I could tell she was distancing herself. She said we could talk about it later. I told her when I started this tx that it was going to be hard on both of us. But she said she was going to be patient. I knew it was too much to ask of someone. Now I feel like shit over that also.
     Does any one have experiences in that area?

Red

[willy]

Sorry Red.  You don't know what's going to happen but if I work the math right you were only dating this person a week or 2 before TX.  You don't have much of a foundation going for you.  It even rocks some marriages.

I think not only is this treatment hard on the people treating, it's also hard on the people who are in relationships with those treating.  It may not be true in every case but I think it's true generally speaking.

You may be right; it could be coming.  If so, I hope you'll understand that it is about you being on chemo and not about you really. 

This could kick up more "mental sides" like sleeplessness or depression.  Just recall that much of these feeling are of a chemical origion.  If you need help please ask for it.

One other possibility....not to be overlooked is that she ain't breaking up with you.  Just try to be calm about it until you know what's going on.

best,
Willy

[MissyMouse]

Red,

Can't say it any better than Willy did.  Just remember, no matter what... your  health comes first.

Mouse

[luv2sleep]

Hi Red,

This therapy can be a test of someones true character (both of you). Personally, after a couple of months of treatment, I moved out of my girlfriends place because we were at each others throats.  I took most of the blame, being one cantankerous Mo-Fo. It was meant to be that we reunited after the treatment was over, and made up for lost time! 

You need to concentrate on your well-being...let the chips fall where they may.

                          L2S

[negative1]

OK..now I know that you are on tx and not really with it, but....the last thing you need to do is worry about this. Like Wily said, it's not like you have a long term relationship going on here. This tx IS hard even on marriages of years and years.
Here is my story...I left my wife just before I started this tx and then met someone else, Nicole. As tx went on I was more and more confused about if I had done the right thing. At the same time, the wife and I, I thought, had remained friends and she would be there for me...so I thought, and was just adding to the confusion I had anyway. It really drove me crazy, really crazy trying to double guess my decisions. Now I see that she was working me and taking advantage of my mental state.
I was very lucky in the fact that Nicole hung in there wth me and just told me that we would put our relationship on hold because she knew that it was just the meds screwing with me and that she would just be my care giver.
It happened to work out. My point is....you CANNOT dwell on this short term thing as if it is the end of life..sorry buddy...cuz it will kill you mentally trying to handle it. If it is meant to be, like Nicole and I, then it will be. Hey, if this g/f really thinks you are *IT* to her and is willing to just be a care giver til this is over and THEN kick it up a notch...so be it.
Being on tx effects you emotionally so much anyway that YOU might be clouded and not making the right decision either. Who knows? I know I didn't at the time. I even told Nicole that she could have my house but I didn't want her here and I didn't want to be here. Well it's a damn good thing that I didn't go by that decision I made while on tx cuz my life would not be the same today.
This is just going to either work or not. You do not have the energy to worry about this and who is to say that you really know if you want this or not? Surely you really are not in the shape to make that choice now and I think you know that.
This time is your time and the less stress you have, the better you will be. I know I would have been better had I not had the ex pulling at me from one side and my love for Nicole pulling me from the other.
I hope the best for you.

Earl
I know that this isn't really the kind of response you wanted to read, but I am not going to put any sugar on it for you.

[Mongo]

Chris,

Read what these guys have to say, Red.  I respect them, and their views on this...

 My point is....you CANNOT dwell on this short term thing as if it is the end of life..sorry buddy...cuz it will kill you mentally trying to handle it.

Earl
I know that this isn't really the kind of response you wanted to read, but I am not going to put any sugar on it for you.

Red, if you have energy to burn, more power to you.  But like Earl said, this will gobble up every bit of energy you have if you let it.  I hope you don't go that way, because that energy could be much better spent on your health.  On your serenity.  On you!

[RedRodeo]

From AA steps, I've learned I still have a large Ego. I've got several significant problems going right now. Why would I add one more.
Red

[robin]

Good way of thinking Red. After all...there are lots of ladies out there and it is best to take care of your own needs. In fact...it could be a benefit not to have to deal with another's emotional baggage when you are in the middle of taking care of your own. Keep your spirits high...robin

[beingbecky]

Red,

I am in a 8 year relationship, and it was definately strained the whole time. I was such a meanie, psycho most the time. I just had an established relationship so my partner knew the true me already, he knew it was the medications. Shoot I would have never made a new relationship work while on tx. I could barely keep my ownself together. Whatever happens just stay focused on one day at a time, get through this treatment.

Becky 

[porkchop]

hi red,
i think you have already heard it from everyone else, but don't sweat the small stuff! trying to open up into a new relationship while on tx would deserve the Mother Theresa Award!!!!
there aren't many(if any) that can live up to that.
my husband and i are still dealing with mental issued that have arisen from my tx.
you have a great support net work here...no pressure...just good people doing the same thing as you...getting better!
hepper hugs,
P.

[RedRodeo]

Yep All of you are right.
I met her about 4 or 5 weeks before starting treatment. I told her how difficult it was and that I wasn't sure if she would get much out of it. She was very assuring that she understood  but this tx was only temporary.  But we all know its hard for people to understand. But I am so scared. Like someone said its like a non stop bad acid trip
Red

[negative1]

Red, you're right. I think the hardest thing to tell people was how toguh this tx is. For the normal *joe* it is incomprehensible! No one would think that something like tx is even legal to do to a person. I know that when I started I worked in an office with my brother and he just had no idea nor did he want to understand. I ended up quitting and going somewhere else to work.
Due to the lenght of tx, it is also hard to ask someone to hang that long til ya get better. As much as people will say they can and will, it is human nature to get impatient and taking your actions as a personal attack against them.
If you don't want to lose your mind on this crap, you have to think only about yourself, you need to click into survival mode, which is also a nomal human response. I know it sounds selfish, but that's the way it is.
Hoping you the best and remember to treat this like a bad acid trip and stay in the right frame of mind so you don't lose it! Remember acid?....If you did not just *go with it* it would not be a good experience!

Earl

[RedRodeo]

I don't know how to do that
Red

[negative1]

Red, I don't remember if you are on anti depressants, but if you aren't you might want to talk to your doc about it.
If you can't just *go with it* on this tx, you may need some help from meds and maybe a shrink. Many here have needed that, to have someoen to talk to and help you keep your feet on the ground.

Earl

[kentucky]

i feel your pain.