i feel sick

Good morning Its. Well, you're in it alright. Brings back memories I'd rather forget. But yes, tired, tired, tired. I also lost weight. I lost 20 pounds in the first 2 weeks, and another 20 by the start fhe second month. But that was mostly my own fault. I was afraid to eat processed foods, and nowadays just about everything is processed. I wanted to eliminate all the bad things from my diet, like hydrogenated oils, saturated fats, preservatives and additives, and all the plethora of crap they throw in the mix here in the good ol' USA. I started examining every ingredient label and nutrition label of every bit of food at the grocery store. It ended up all I ate was a little fruit and veggies daily, and some days I just didn't eat. I was being led by fear and I allowed the stress to just wither me away.

Finally I was malnourished and felt like if I didn't eat I'd collapse. At that point I changed, and ate as required, in order to survive. I don't recommend anyone letting stress get to you like that. You have to eat. I was starving myself to death. If you lose 40 pounds in a month, you're killing yourself.

What you're going through is normal. Get used to it, but also know it won't last forever. It is only for a short block of time in your life, and when you emerge in victory, you'll look back on it as an experience that humbled you, and made you stop a lot of what you did in life that wasn't good, like drinking. I look at it all as a kind of major blessing. It changed everything for me, at least while I was going through it. But it changed a few things long after, as well. For example, I don't take things for granted like I once did.

You'll be okay. If you think you can, try to plan daily things to occupy yourself, so some of the down time doesn't have to be so down. Sweep, damp mop, dust, cook, sew, do laundry, but also try mild tasks like painting something, or reorganizing a room. Just busy yourself in the times when you have a wee bit more energy than other times. Read, watch a movie, sit out in the sun a while and relax and reflect on life and where it's taken you, and see yourself after all this is behind you, and imagine some good thing, some enjoyable direction you'd like to take it. Try to bombard yourself with as many positives as possible, and just cast off the negatives before they have a chance to root in you. Think of it as a vacation from the usual, a time for relaxation and reflection. It's a perfect time to develop your spiritual side.

You'll be fine Its. And we'll always be here to hold your hand or listen to what you have to say, and offer help where we can. See if the kids can help, too. They'd probably love to be a helper for mommy, seeing you in this condition. Find creative ways to vent frustrations. Try sketching or water colors, or some craft or hobby to busy yourself with. The time will pass, and one day you'll be all done with this. You'll see. Have faith, sister, it'll pass and life will get better.