Need a little love. (No, not that kind!)

[Hank's mom]

Well sports fans and any mom fans out there - I need a little lift from my buds here.

As many of you know, I have been trying to pull off the impossible - save my terribly destructive-for-the-whole-family marriage. I went to file today - stupid hepper headed wing nut that I am - I left the copies of the deed, and mortgage on my bed so I have to go back tomorrow. (I live almost an hour away or I would have come back to get it.) Plus I need to fill out a financial statement the Bongo, the orangutan could do, 0+0+0 = 0. At any rate it won't be impossible for me to do. What I must do is not hesitate again, but go there tomorrow before I lose momentum. I've been doing that for too many years to mention and goodness knows, there must be some of you who are tired of hearing it.

It is called a Simple No-Fault Divorce, with a 4 month period of thumb-twiddling before it is finalized. I went to the house to help organize some stuff and to talk Saturday. It was sad but not at all mean. Right now, it's the limbo that is not good for either of us and so it must end. I know it is taking it's toll on my health and I've fought too long and too hard to just give it away. (Though I am aware that I have no more power now than I did before I moved out to help him, his health is in jeopardy as well.)

I know this post is far too long, and is a pity party, but right now I really could use a little hepper love.

Thanks my friends,
Susie

[pete c]

 HI Susie

     Thank you so very much for shareing this burden with us,for when we share our pain  we only have half to bear  for friends will bear this with you. I for one can understand the feelings & fears  you are going through. If you dont mind a little friendly advise, Be true to thine ownself, for the this pain will pass and until it does  I know i will be here to help you in any way that i can.

     So here a big ol hug for my bud who has been there for so many others.

                                                                          pete

                                                                           

[DougV]

Susie,

Suxs and I'm sorry, but I understand too.  If ya need something holler.

Doug

[Longleggsfromwa]

Susie,
 my thoughts and prayers are with you. You are very loved. Keep your spirits up through this very difficult time,we are all here for you.
     Pam

[willy]

Sus....I got a separation which lead to a divorce way back in 2000.  I fought for a long time to "save" the marriage but in restrospect.... now I wish that we had done it earlier.  It seems to be one of those things that come under the "this isn't a good time to do this" categories.  I am now of the opinion that it was a good thing.  I surely was not at the time.

Now is the time to tell my little joke;
An elderly couple in their 90's was having a giant 70 year anniversary party.  All their friends were there (any that were still alive that is...)  At about the 2/3'ds way through point they got everybody together and said that they had an announcent;

We're getting divorce", they told the stunned crowd......

But... but why? everybody asked?

"Well, they said; the marriage has been over for years but it never seemed like a good time so we thought that we would just wait until all of our children died."
(I don't know whether to follow that one with a smiley or not.....  ) 

Willy

[Betty W.]

Susie, when you make a commitment,  you think its forever. Then suddenly one day you say,"hello" this is not working as we planned. Changes are hard, even if they are for the best for everyone concerned. You sometimes feel like you have failed at life.
Well, you haven't.Living with someone means trust, commitment,sharring,carring,and love !!!Those in the marriage have to give 100%
To making it work, and that means working 100% of the time and it is not easy. esp, if one person isn't doing their part and sharing in the responsibility. Then you know its time to get out....Its hard because after the hurt you start remembering the :good: times you had that madeyou fall in love with this person. You can never go back and hurt really begins to take over.Life is so hard. you just can;t dwell on what has happened in the past you have to go on, PULL UP YOUR BOOTSTRAPS and start LIVING AGAIN !!!
Soon you will find out that life is good and you are among the living again after such a long time.....Look after Susie....Its really what its all about now, You have to put you first now and deal with your health issues, I don;t mean to :preach" I just felt a need to say those things. I love you as everyone here does ! So as my singer Josh Groban says "YOU ARE LOVED"
Betty

[Hank's mom]

Dear, dear Friends -

Thank you for your replies. My goodness, you all are so lovely! After I posted this last night, I did a little self-medication - my kind - I wrote poems.

Today, I remembered to fill out and bring all the papers to the lawyer - so many trees! As I was pulling in, my hubby passed me on the road - we have very few roads here - he called my cell and I told him today was the day. He told me he was going to say it was time too and give me the go ahead (read this: not fight me).

So the first big task is done. Willy - I agree with both your "one of those things that come under the 'this isn't a good time to do this' categories" and the joke. Sheesh, we humans are something. huh? Tonight I am still sad about it and probably will always be on at least some level, but I know some relief and release. Life works if ya give it a chance. I do realize there will be ups and downs, but for now I am okay and on my way.

Now for one of MY all time favorite jokes, (it is soooo lame) - Mickey Mouse goes before the judge to file for a divorce from Minnie. Judge asks on what grounds. Mickey answers, because she is f***ing Goofy.

I can't help it, I always laugh my butt off over that one

Round 2 - Wife sees her shrink for several months at which point her shrink decides it it time to release her but the woman complains, You still haven't fixed my husband! (Roles can be switched to accommodate.)

Again, thank you all very much,
Susie

.

[Pancho and Lefty]

Hey Susie,

I know you know what's up with your life but. . . I really don't buy the part of 'being sad on some level' forever and always.

I can speak to divorce with prior experience. . . been there done that four times. I told you about the last one. . . it was just killer and hasn't really passed yet due to living in a county with 9,000 population. But as far as being sad. . . that's confined to regret about having ever married that woman.

Life goes on and you will come to cherish the new things that may never have happened without the pain of divorce.

You know how we all feel about you.

Max

[Jazzdenova]

I didn't mourn for the divorce. I was happy about that. I mourned for the ifa's, shoulda's, coulda's. And having to walk away from my step-daughter even though I got custudy of my son, to keep the ex from continuing leverage in my life.

[beingbecky]

Susie,

I know the pain of ending a marriage. I think sharing how you feel through your words will help your spirit heal from this. I don't know an of the right words to say that could possibly help right now. I do want to say you are so worth being healthy and happy and you are loved beyond measure. Always remember to be kind to yourself. Time heals. 

My thoughts are with you.

Hugs,
Becky

[wings]

hi susie

Dealing with ones health is enough to handle, then you having to go through a divorce is something that should not be part of the mix.  I hope you can find the inner voice that will give you peace and strength.

sheila aka wings

[Lee]

Susie,

I am so sorry I am late in responding...just wanted you to know that you are loved, and that we all care deeply about what is going on in your life....I agree with Jazz...it is the the "what could have beens" that we dwell on...as with many things in life, there are no clear cut answers...all we can do is recognize our part in it...and walk away knowing we did our best to make things work...and move forward with the knowledge that life does go on, ever changing the paths we are on....take it slowly, and you will find each day it does get better.....soon the bittersweet memories will become less sharp...we all go into a relationship with the very best intentions...I truly believe that love, even for a time is to be valued as having its place and time in your life.  Now it is time to walk away and move forward...and you have taken that first step...the hardest....we are all here for you, whenever you need to just talk and vent....as with anything, those around us have a way of helping us through things, and we are never alone.  Please know if I can do anything, I am here...and will hold you deeply in thought and prayer.

Blessings,

Lee

[Hank's mom]

Thank you all so very much. This is a great thing about a community such as ours.

Suddenly, I am not crying, not retaining water, and get up, albeit late, ready to do and accomplish.

I had to stop at the house yesterday to continue the battle of what stuff is just stuff and what matters and to give him the legal description of the simple divorce I have filed (unless things change, then all bets are off), and the couple of papers he needs to fill out. He asked me to take some pictures that I found of myself w/my ex, from when I was 21! and we were heading West on our motorcycle. He wanted them gone, because, he said,"That's where his troubles all began."

So he is regret filled and angry - he needs to get over it because he threw the marriage out at the dumpster behind the bar.

I have my what if's - but who knows, so I try not to linger there very long. I believe that we are a sum of all our parts which does include the hard times as well as the good ones.

In all honesty, I have no regrets about my life because I like who I am today. Yes, this is divorce number 2, but that equals 2 new important chapters, the latest of which I look forward to living. We had joy together, silliness together, loved and trusted each other enough to take a few leaps of faith that were good in the end, and of course the children.

Life sure is an adventure!

Again thank you for your concern and honest, dear reminders that this is a good thing.

Susie

[pete c]

 HI Susie

    After reading your last post,  i found myself going back into my life and the painful parts the divorce,s i went through,Then i look at myself today and can say with all honisty that  1 am glad it,s over . @ that with out that part of my life  i dont belive that i would be the person ,that I,am today, for in pain there is growth and though growth there is hope of a brighter day and happier future.
  So when you feel like  saying Bull-------- just rememeber that you are worth it and keep on keeping on.

   A very wise man once said  some days your the bug and some days your the windsheild on the days of the bug  i have found from my own experience  that all i have got to do is get my head out of my ass and keep moveing forward,easier said then done .

 Well this concludes Trucker driver physiology 101  for today.  have a great day  and stay true to thine ownself.